What He Doesn't Know

"I don't want to see the stars in the sky; all I want is to catch your eye."
- The Pipettes, Because It's Not Love

My first kiss with Wrecking Ball (excluding those from so many years ago) was on Christmas, around 2 am. He had come over to give me my Christmas present, and then asked if we could talk. He confessed that he found himself very attracted to me, and I admitted that I had never stopped having feelings for him. The kiss was so... right. It felt like... a wave of forgotten longing surfaced and was eliminated. I had wanted it for so long, and it was everything that I had wanted. It was beautiful.

We spent the many of the rest of the nights of our break driving around the city or watching movies. Kissing him is like fire. On three separate nights, we have kissed for over three hours at a time. Our most recent night of kissing went from 3am to 9am. On Sunday night, we didn't do a kissing marathon after our movie, but instead we cuddled and talked. I want to sleep with him - not in the sexual sense (though I am completely open to that!) but I mean actually sleep, in his arms, with his warmth, his scent, him.

Last night after work I had some texts from Cowboy. He doesn't know about Wrecking Ball. He said he thinks he may have made a mistake when he left me, and that he loves me. He never told me that he loved me when we were dating, though apparently he had known since the Halloween party we went to together (which, by a strange coincidence, was the night that I admitted to myself for the first time this year that I was still as hopelessly head-over-heels for Wrecking Ball as I had ever been). I remember that night well. We were parting ways, and I said, "Goodnight. I love you," and he said, "You too." I did a doubletake. "What?" I asked. Did he just say he loves me? "You have a good night, too," he said awkwardly. I just assumed back then that he had started to say "you too" before he realized I had said the L word again, but apparently his awkward backpedal had been brought on because he decided not to tell me yet that he loves me.