Reflections 5

"How beautiful it is to love you all the time! How beautiful it is to know that you are mine!"
- Prozzak, How Beautiful

This is the entry I've kind of been dreading since I started this project. For one thing, Wrecking Ball is going to read this. And no matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, I definitely do censor myself a little bit knowing that he will see what I say. Mostly, though, I haven't been looking forward to this entry because I can't look at our relationship with the same clarity with which I see the others. I think this is because I'm still in the relationship - and if that's the case, I hope I have trouble analyzing us for a while yet!

This last reflection (for now. Stay tuned for the next installment in a series of reflections: What My Dad Thinks About These Guys) actually needs to be different from the others because nothing is really in the past tense. If I want to describe my relationship with Wrecking Ball, I don't have any interesting "this is where things went wrong" type stories, because things just haven't gone wrong yet. To my knowledge, and in my belief, we are still very happy together. This is new for me - this is the longest time I have been in a happy relationship. Cowboy and I broke up after eight and a half months, and Wrecking Ball and I have already been together for nine and a half. Sin and I only dated for two months. And though Acadia and I were together for two and a half definite years, and another six months of strange gray-zone semi-monogamy, we were never happy for more than five or six months at a time before we would go through a rough patch that lasted several weeks. Being with Wrecking Ball is comfortable, but I still feel the same attraction for him that I did in the beginning. We still have conversations. In fact, I find myself wanting to spend more time with him these days, rather than less, though I suspect that comes partially from a desire to spend as much time as possible with him before I leave for Katimavik, which is another thing I'll be going on about more at a later date.

I have met Wrecking Ball's dad, his mom, his stepfather, both of his younger sisters, both older brothers, and one set of grandparents. I get along well with all of them. His grandparents remembered my name the second time they saw me (just recently, at Thanksgiving). I have had lengthy conversations with his mother about careers and motherhood, and his stepfather told me some personal stories about his past, including the one about how he met Wrecking Ball's mother, a story that WB himself apparently didn't know. My strongest relationship to anyone in his family is with the older of his two sisters, Cat. We have spent time together on a few occasions without Wrecking Ball, and that is something that I have never done with the family members of my significant others. Cat came to my sorority wine & cheese a few weeks ago, and she is coming to our pub crawl in a few more weeks. She spent the night at my house once in the summer, and when she invited me to her nineteenth birthday festivities this weekend (she has a few different events planned to accommodate the large number of people she wants to celebrate with), I RSVP'd yes without even asking Wrecking Ball which events he planned to attend. I consider Cat a real friend.

I can't decide what I think this says about my relationship with Wrecking Ball. It is certainly different than any other relationship I have had - but they're each different in their own way anyway, so that isn't a very good evaluation. Maybe I could say it is stronger, because I have a bond with Cat outside of my relationship with Wrecking Ball, and it looks like our friendship will be maintained, come what may between her brother and I. But that feels like a silly thing to assume. I think really (and sadly), I won't be able to see the links between these relationships until the main connection has been severed. So again, I hope I don't understand these things for a little while. Haha.