Valentine

"Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer."
- Metric, Help, I'm Alive

Yesterday was the best Valentine's Day that I have ever had. One year, Acadia surprised me by delivering flowers to my house when I wasn't home, so that I thought he wasn't doing anything until I got home after the high school dance, tired and upset (I don't remember why - I think I had been arguing with my dad on the drive home - I just remember that I was pissed off and had a strong urge to throw those stupid roses. I don't like flowers.) and there they were on the table, and it was a really sweet gesture, and I absolutely hated it.

I don't know why, but I have always had a strong dislike for Valentine's Day. I don't really talk about it though. I didn't even say anything about that to Wrecking Ball - I just crossed my fingers and hoped that he wasn't going to do anything. On Sunday night, he said that he would normally do something, but he wasn't feeling up to it. I assured him this was no issue and was, in fact, exactly what I wanted from him.

Yesterday when I finished work, I had a text from him that said he considers himself healthy again and is free for kissing (we hadn't been kissing on the mouth, just the cheek, since he has been sick since the Thursday that I mentioned in the entry before last). With her permission, I invited him over to Love's. I think it took him a while to be comfortable. Love and I did most of the talking. Eventually, Love settled in to her essay and Wrecking Ball and I cuddled on the couch, listening to music and talking about The Walking Dead comic books. It was wonderful.

He tried to leave and ended up getting his car stuck in the snow that the plow had pushed into the driveway. He came back inside to wait for his stepdad to be waking up (it was around 6am) and I fell asleep on his lap. I barely remember it. When I woke up this morning, actually, I was really confused as to why I was fully dressed on the couch and not undressed and in Love's bed as I usually would be. I remember him stroking my hair, and I squirmed to try and be closer to him, and he stopped but I didn't want him to and then he kept going. I think I told him to do so. Not sure though.

Falling asleep with him was everything I had hoped it would be, though being in his arms would have been better still.