Contentment

"The sound of our voices made us forget everything that had ever hurt our feelings."
- Kimya Dawson, Tire Swing

There isn't much of a point to this entry. I just wanted to think about something happy after that last entry, and I thought I may as well share these thoughts too.

I realised on Friday night that I feel very comfortable with Wrecking Ball. Maybe I had noticed it at some point before, but it really struck me then. I was taking off the last of my makeup (I was dressed as a 60s Gogo Dancer for the party, so I was wearing foundation and eyeliner and mascara and all that jazz) and it occurred to me that in that one night, he saw me with makeup on, and without makeup on, and even crying just a little bit, which I don't usually do in front of people. I was thinking about Love and he was rubbing my back and I just sort of let go. Usually when someone sees me cry it's because I am completely overwhelmed by anger or sadness or whatever it is that's making me cry. But this time it was just... I don't know. I just felt comfortable being with him, and I was sad enough. And as for the makeup thing: people see me with and without makeup all the time; I put it on completely at random. But not many people have seen me go from wearing heavy makeup to none at all in one night. I don't feel like I need it to be attractive, but at the same time I know that my face looks different with and without it, and I did feel like it looked nice to have it on, so it follows that my face must not look as good without it.

So there I am in Wrecking Ball's bathroom, wiping off the last of the makeup, and I realised how nice it feels to be so comfortable with him. I didn't feel any touch of awkwardness about taking off the makeup. I didn't feel embarrassed about having cried. I just felt eager to get back to him, and it was nice.