Taking Me Away

"No, no, no, no, no, no, yes! Yes! Yes!"
- Hey Rosetta!, Yes Yes Yes

I found out today that I have been accepted to participate in the Katimavik volunteer program this January. This means that I am leaving everything I know from January to June.

Often when I am depressed I fantasize about packing up and leaving everything familiar and setting out on my own. Now that I am faced with this exact scenario (albeit for just six months rather than permanently) I am terrified. There are only five months and three days until I leave. That could sound like a long time, but then I remember that Wrecking Ball and I have been dating for seven months now and it only feels like three. I remember that I have been done school for four months already and it only feels like one. I remember that October often turns into December at an alarming rate for me as the days blur by, and I think this will be aggravated by the fact that I'm not taking "regular" school courses this fall.

I am trying to focus on the most minor worries that I can right now: how much should I pay my sister to feed my cat? Will I still be a supervisor after leaving my job for six months? Will the pharmacy let me buy 6 months worth of my birth control instead of just 3 before I go? What do I do with my phone?

When I focus on those, you see, they block out the things I really can't handle. Will my cat still remember me when I come back? What if the others don't like me? What if I don't like them? And worst of all: what will happen to my relationship with Wrecking Ball while I'm gone? Could he meet someone else? Could he decide his life is better off when I'm not around? Will he still love me when I come back?