Katimavik Day 7

Yesterday we finished touring our potential work placements. When we went to the SPCA, there was a cat that was a Himalayan just like mine but she had different colouring: seal point instead of flame point, which means she was grey where my cat is orange but they both have blue eyes and sweet squishy faces. Petting the cat made me miss mine a little less, so part of me started to hope that I would get placed there, but at the same time the SPCA placement was shared with a book recycling center that looked really boring so I kept the women's shelter as my top choice. When we got home, I went to the library with Rose (yes, I've now picked nicknames for my group members!) and I found two books that really excited me. One is an easy children's book that I read back in grade 12 and the other is a novel for ages 9-12 that will take me a little longer but I'll still enjoy it because it's a translation of a novel by Neil Gaiman called "The Graveyard Book" which I have been meaning to read for a while.

Today we had our group interview. It was really interesting. We had a representative from each work placement there and each volunteer in turn said a bit about themselves including French competency level, work experience, interests, and top placement choices. It was a little daunting to talk in front of so many people, but I was confident in what I had written and I was in the middle of the group so that made it easier.

I got the job at the women's shelter! I'm very, very excited to start there tomorrow! I'm going to have to speak a lot of French there and it's going to be hard, but I think it will be very rewarding.

In the van on the way back to our Katimahouse, B.C. cracked a joke about how I could introduce myself to the women at the shelter: "I was raped too!" I looked at him in shock. "Sorry," he said, "my gender likes rape jokes." Then I said, quite frankly, "It's really only funny until it happens to you." There. I said it to my group members, and I'm saying it here. I'm moving on from the experience, but it happened, and it bothered me a lot. I was raped this summer when Love and I went to Halifax for Canada Day. That's why I never wrote an entry about that trip; I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to admit that it had happened, I wanted to forget. But now I'm really moving on from the trauma. I think my antidepressants are helping a lot with that; the psychiatrist that prescribed them said that I was exhibiting symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder because of it, and one of the effects of the drug is to lessen those symptoms. It's true that when I really think about it, when I remember that night, I still get quite upset. I'm starting to feel a little panicky as I type this, being so frank about it. But it happened, and I know it wasn't my fault. I also don't think it was his fault. Everyone involved was drunk, and while that's no excuse, it makes it easier to accept, in a way. He wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me and in fact I believe that he thought I was consenting.  He should have stopped when I made it clear that I wanted him to stop, but he seemed to think I was only worried about Love noticing what was going on. As B.C. said, when both parties are intoxicated the lines of consent get somewhat blurry. It doesn't remove blame, but it could be worse. It's not as though he drugged me and brought me home with him. I see it as a misunderstanding and yes, it did bother me a lot, I'm not trying to downplay that. I guess I'm just trying to say that I know a lot of people have had much worse experiences than mine so it's getting easier to think about over time.

Rose and B.C. commented that I seemed to be handling it well, and I joked, "it's the happy pills!" And with that we discovered that all three of us take the same antidepressant. We thought it was pretty awesome. I'm very proud to take them, B.C. has been on them for a few years and thinks he doesn't need them any more but sees no need to stop taking them, and Rose is a little embarrassed; from what I understand she doesn't know a lot of people that understand depression, so I can see how that would make it hard for her to talk about it. So we all have a different relationship with the drug but we all agree that it's a very helpful thing.

I'm really looking forward to starting at my work placement tomorrow morning! Just in case y'all forgot that I said that a few paragraphs ago. Whee!